The Take Over

Once upon a time I dreamed
Once upon a night I wasted
Cups of everlasting life
drew me closer to our fearless ending.
For the spring of all waters flows
from the core of imagination
up the hills where my sins are exposed
where my secrets divorced my treasures.
That was the crime scene, the witness
as I strangled it with my own fingers
I shushed its silent agony
with the kiss of red, tormented heavens.
I saw it drawning at the shores of my feet
begging for my sight, my dementia
I swear I almost heard it believe
it could float from the sea of desertion.
But as poetry took over me
through the showers of thoughts of redemption
I abbandoned my sweetest of exertions
I let my idea survive.
I should have killed! I regret tonight
cause the pink and the orange cause damage
I would never surrender, the sand
on my feet hasn't settled, it can't.

Dream awake

Today I was to believe in a city
in which time and space
mean little to nothing.
I was to chase dreams at the shore
of deserting opportunities.
Today I was to write about hope,
about faith and grace...
No word escapes my mind
because tonight
I am to write of survival.
In this world it is more important
to learn to seem
rather than to truly be.
My land is saturated of an oil so thick
it burns my wings to the sun,
it sells my ideas to the lord of ineptitude.
Today I am afraid of standing
on my feet, pretending.
Today I was to spend
the savings of my sweat
on the promise of tears trading.
Today I was to play
the moon for a sorority,
to win the world and own it
on a credit contract.
Today I could be happier and have a debtor,
could save a thief from condemnation.
I was to rest and dream awake.

Like a Picture

like running waters through a leak
inundating my belongings
like a fever to the sick
helplessly, it stays, it owns me.
creeping through the windows
crawling down to my foundations
like a rush of adrenaline
it recreates sensations.
moments come and get away
passing by like angels
saturating the atmosphere
of colors ever-fading.
the moon sneaking up the limits
like the sun, on fire, closer
to the reckon of your moving lips
in the air of things unspoken.
writing reasons on my doubts
giving my willingness excuses
pouring down again my heart
the truth becoming now my token.
while time plays games in my head
i drink a tea with your absence
so that you might think of me
as your immovable partner.

Steadfast,
standing still
like a picture
of you and me...

Phrase

there's a phrase resounding all over the place
every inch, every spider has heard the secret
like if humanity all of the sudden had turn out deaf
to the mystery being alive truly embeds...
that phrase...
there's a storm ever changing upon my head
dropping every hope, silencing haven
darkening my skies with chocolate and navy
gravel and gold, fullness and empty.
still that phrase...
there's a voice screaming, it talks to me in whispers
ever leaving the place i wander, it follows
every step I fail to take, it tortures me constantly
making me feel hollow, confronting me straight ahead:
reminding me of that phrase
signing it with your name...
wishing my lips could ever
articulate it in your presence.

The Wake

the wake surprised me
like death does the thief,
like hunger to the poor
the wake attacked me.
and on my feet I allayed
the reasons for surrender,
confessions of the blind,
and on my feet I prayed.
Standing, just there,
just as still as the breeze
the wake took my skin,
tinted red covering layers.
the wake brought hope
the encouragement
excuses for breathing
but no peaceful thoughts.
the wake was tough
the sunrise bloody.
dawn of merciful torture,
of charm, of pain,
of everyday living.

tonight

Silence...
Everything stands still
the beat keeps playing
I'm immobile
I'm waiting
I'm fixed
I'm mesmerized
The fingertips of haven
follow my curves
to the end of my patience
I'm trying
remaining
I'm hypnotized
Breaking
like thin ice
over the weight of your smile
melting skies
into a blue and green sunrise
Not fast enough for comprehension
not slow enough for admiration
I'm completely in your arms
I can't pretend
I can't get it straight
No time to ask
No space for doubts
Nowhere to hide.
Parked around the bright and cold
stationary notes of hope
get us trapped right now
like the sea
it is high tide
and with not a whisper
not a kiss
I'm yours tonight...

Coming back

If the trumpets claim my victory
why do I feel like I've lost it all?
If I knew better
that blue shadow
staring at me
at the door...
Dead has danced around me
it has feasted with all my friends
I find it hard to stay focused
on the thought "it'll all be okay"
If I could tell
all the truth
If all them knew
oh If they find out!
I can feel your effective guilt trips
climbing from my veins to my mouth.
If I feel your arms around me
why do I still feel lonely?
Why are the trumpets
playing non-stopping
that same tune once
represented love?
Like the beats of expiration
I'll recite my vows to you
and I'll face the crowd, oblivious
of what they really meant to you.
If they believe in me a hero
I will not deny the laurel crown
but do not forget for your own sake
the truth is still alive,
it breathes,
it has a name,
it is jealous,
it demands.
And you know sooner than later
I am coming back.

YET

It's not even raining
yet everything's falling wet
The wind is not even blowing hard
Clouds seem to be not as thick as yesterday
they're almost white, yet it's overcast
yet I miss you, and yet I lie.

The clock keeps ticking at the same pace
keeps holding the world awake,
spinning at his musical stream
-like a Little Rock in The River-
keeps me from pronouncing your name.
Yet I want to, and yet I try.

Drop, drop, ever-ending season
While the leaves in the trees
keep the secrecy of your treason to the world...
leaves switch colors, leaves change tone
they unveil me clear and stoned
And yet they care, and yet they don't.

Just like the midst, invisible to those who dance...
Just like air in the space between a "try to" and to fail...
Just like you and me
this season creates a poison to forget
to love again, to unforgettably, regretfully rest.
Yet I believe, yet you hide.

Things haven't changed much ever since
Just the weather, just the reason
to fail once more, to attempt a riddle.
Spiderweb, seventh sense, unspoken wonder,
Haven's rhythm, Hell's complain, my babe:
It's all the same... yet you are written, yet I stand.

Este amor que se me escapa de las manos es errado,
se ha entregado a la justicia de su naturaleza...
si fuese Dios no doleria tanto.
Es el mundo
son los humanos
como si, construidos de metal y asfalto, y disfrazados de algodon y seda, atentaran encajar unos con otros, consiguiendo solamente un colapso.

I wish u well...

i just wish you would get to know my true colors...
wish i could tell you
only you
how much i hate you, how much i love you
wish i could smack the floor with your head
and nurse you later with tender care
pretending it was all your fault...
wish you found out im a snake
and you my friend,
regardless of what you claim to be
i wish you could see
you are my rat...
my nasty, disgusting, gross rat...
the one i deserve, the one i have created
the one i love.

I missed you tonight... heck I missed you! Seems my blood assimilated your poison a little too well... it still burns my am. Every morning the first pulsation in my head, killing my reason; in every step the shadows chasing me away from freedom. It is precise my friend, that we get it straight before I lose my sanity. I'm missing you like crazy.

If it wasn't for your voice on the telephone,
the rain would weight a sea on my back,
the storm would push the limits of the imaginary.
If it wasn't for the certainty of disaster
I would swear I dreamed on an angel's attack
to take over my heart, my all, the nothing I own.

If it wasn't for the absence of a heartbeat in my chest
I could have sworn last night you conquered my love.
But I'm sure you called, cos my blood doesn't run
cos I could not possibly live on such a paradox
for my heart is already taken,
I can't let you conquer what's already yours.

Es un dia gris como todos; haga sol, llueva, truene o relampaguee.
A estas alturas del partido deberia de haber colgado los guantes. Verdaderamente, no hay nada digno por lo que luchar, ya no hay... mas que solo espera. Paciencia, vegestorio inutil, paciencia!

Resolution

The beams of mercy
cover every reflective spot
but the warmth is not
the shadows roam
like there is no sketch,
No amnesty.

And the blaze of color
ignites the glare
imminent disaster
I stare in distress
like there is no pride,
No forgiveness.

The hazel is fading out
the argue is mute
and the silence too loud.
No oath was taken
No race to run
No indulgences.

Lo inexistente

Sos el intrigante deseo de inhalar aire-amoniaco.
Me tenes confundida, suspirando
como dormida
en la imagen de tu mirada congelada sobre mi.
Y me declaro adicta a las cosquillas infantiles
que, pese a los mortales gritos del silencio
siguen recorriendo lo que quiero tuyo;
mas no deberia.

Sos esa llama oculta en azul sereno.
Sos la calma en la tormenta que vos mismo
trajiste a mi.
Y si te vas y me ignoras
Sos la razon para luchar
para escribir.

Sos pues,
mucho mas que lo que mi fragil respirar
puede soportar...
Me fortaleces.
Sos lo que merecen los que se aman,
la noche.
Sos lo que se esconde en el monte rojizo
que nadie conoce
sino solo los que han muerto.

Sos el barco perdido en el mar de hielo,
embotellado;
la fabrica de nieve y niebla.
Sos mio, amante de lo desconocido.
Mi enigma
Mi paradoja
Lo inexistente,
Mio.
Sos el efecto de mi vicio.

To Chris

There's something about this
something unknown
unexplainable
unbearable
something surreal.

There's nothing about this
nothing thrilled
heard
wrong
nothing foreseen.

There's craziness about this
crazy context
stories
feelings
crazy is it all.

But there's no way about this
No way to fight it
to deny it
to avoid it
No way to turn around.

So let me hid from this
from the impact
the unexplored
the magic
hide from your eyes;

for if I fix mi sight on them
I fix my wishes
my future
my expectations
I fix my "I am."

So then...

For there's something & nothing
Craziness & no way to scape,
let me hide from it
let me fix it
let this all be nonsense fate!

May we both
let it pour as if
it should rain...
I'll stand still
under whatever it may be
will come
or ain't.

Snow

further... deeper than strong
the song of your maybes
plays in my heart over and over
like a hard rain
restores
the pieces -loose and hidden-
of my joy.

I'm a bumblebee fighting -got trapped
by the rhythm of your song-
a heart beat higher
like a hard rain
paralyzes
the reason -at the limits-
of my voice.

Crazier, faithfully truer
the brownish green of certainty
hits me to the ground/ and it's over
like a hard rain
frozen
in the ice of comfort zone/
of my yes.

Wilder, purer beyond control
the beauty of pretense
overflowing
like a storm
covers
all evidence of thought
And so it snows.

Forecast

The winds of uncertainty pulling us closer to the second
so quickly, so abruptly, so majestically unfaithful
when impulsiveness and thought, both touch insanity.

The senseless ticking of the sun making us wander in redemption
of the incredulously joy, bogus cloud of hope, sensation
where humanity and soul, both meet insanity.

But you know me well enough, and I forget so little
that trying to run away gets me only mingled in the riddle
you cannot both understand and ignore

Anymore than I can help to stop right in the middle
and hesitant take a toe or two forward all
we cannot both want or not want to get more of.

No self control, no zodiac predicting new creeds
while I assimilate changes and realize this will not cede
you are lucky, only if you get to hate me first

so you could learn to like me more
than you could ever read.
-but you will not.

the secret held drafted

Everytime I´m on my way back home after seing you, I find myself more and more fascinated with your only existance. You have captivated me in such a way I cannot explore -fear perhaps, call it mystery. And it is unbelievable I can yet behave and pretend to be nothing but your friend-if you want to see it that way, for something different is almost impossible to picture... the challenge makes it delightful to imagine.

Vivencias

Caminaba con mi hermana -Diana- a la parada de buses. Nos dirigiamos a la reunion del voluntariado al que pertenecemos hace ya un par de años y en el que orgullosamente trabajamos. Caminaba sin reparar hacia donde es que iba, lo que mi presencia representaría. En el camino, una anciana ya cansada del castigo que el sol le otorgaba, llamo mi atencion. Un vestido viejisimo, de tela casi transparente, cubria su morena piel... solo Dios sabe cuanto habia sido lavada la pobre tela que seguia rindiendo su fiel proposito. Calzaba a duras penas lo que fue en vida util un par de zapatillas de lona, ya rotas de enfrente, remendadas ya varias veces, llenas de la tierra que han recorrido. La señora llevaba en su cabeza una bolsa grande, llena en apariencia de ropa unicamente... ¡pero quien sabe la verdad, porque pesaba como piedras de mar! 

Se detuvo en un suspiro a limpiar el sudor de su frente, justo en frente de nosotras. Preferí ignorarla, pues no estaba en condiciones de ayudarla -al menos eso pensaba yo. Diana iba molesta conmigo, pues la reunion a la que ibamos iniciaba hacia media hora. Yo me atrase en el baño, en mi desesperacion por huir del calor inhumano que azotaba la ciudad. Asi que pasamos de largo, tratando de ignorar la fuerte mirada que nos siguio poco tiempo después. Llegando a la parada desee con el alma que la señora cambiase de rumbo. Pero no todo lo que uno quiere es lo que obtiene, sino lo que Dios dispone -sabiduría de abuela. Ella bajó con gran esfuerzo el bulto que cargaba. Y me miraba fijamente -como quien repiensa el movimiento necesario: una invitacion a lo debido, a lo frecuentemente ignorado. Yo la miraba de reojo, mientras intentaba ignorar su presencia a media conversacion superficial con Diana. No pude más. Me ganó el alma, volví mi mirada hacia ella. Inmediatamente -pareciera que solo esperaba un gesto mio para echar la vergüenza fuera- dirigió su humilde dialecto hacia mi.

-Que bonita estas cipota!-me dijo. Sonreí ocultando mi sorpresa, admirando la profundidad de sus ojos, la negrura de sus pupilas. -Gracias señora. ¡Tan Linda!- dije, sonriendo a Diana esta vez. Un trascendente silencio consumió cualquier pensamiento previo de las palabras que calculaba pronunciar. Ella perdió su mirada en la calle de donde esperabamos ver venir el transporte colectivo. Suspiró profundo. -¡Este calor si esta bien fuerte usted... -Dudo un momento, ocultando sus negras pupilas en el suelo - A ver si los muchachos me quieren llevar por 15 centavitos...- susurro con verguenza fingida. La tarifa regular es de 25 centavos dentro de la ciudad, 34 a la capital. Ella suspiro de nuevo, esperando ahora mi respuesta, levantando su mirada del suelo, viendome de reojo con pícara intención. No esperaba, por su apariencia tan humilde, que tuviera suficiente para viajar hacia... ¿donde?

- Y a donde es que va pues señora?- pregunte a media sonrisa. -Ahi por la fabrica de pinturas... la que esta por la tienda de Celulares alla en el centro... es que fijese que yo no tengo hogar- dijo con remarcable tristeza, mas transparente y sincera que aguas de manantial. No pude entender su explicacion... la ubicacion inexacta de su destino. En ese momento importaba tan poco, al oir su historia. -Yo vivo sola cn una cipota. Mis hijos todos me dejaron sola. Yo tenia mi puestecito de vender, lo que pudiera pues! Tomates y cebollas. Pero fijese que nosotras somos afectadas del incendio que hubo alla en el centro, y el gobierno no nos ha ayudado! viera! Para el terremoto del 2001, yo vivia en un pueblo de alla por Ayutuxtepeque. Mi casita era de Adobe y se me cayo. Pero el alcalde nos ayudo. Ese señor si que es bueno! Nos construyeron una casita de madera y lamina. Pero con los vientos fuertes del huracan... Adrian era, o no se como se llamaba! Viera usted, que se nos cayo la casa! Entonces fue que nos vinimos para la capital con la cipota, y puse mi puestecito en el mercado. Pero viera usted, que la cipota que cuido... esta muchacha ya! pero es discapacitada. Tiene "cuto" el pie, no camina. Asi que no puede trabajar, y no es estudiada. Yo me las he rebuscado siempre por las dos -la señora suspiro con tal dolor que senti consumirme en el aire que exhalaba, no sabia que contenia mis lagrimas dentro de mis ojos aun... -pero vea que Dios nunca nos abandona. Asi que despues del incendio me he quedado sin puesto y sin pisto! Sin casa otra vez-Las dos a punto de llanto, escondiendo nuestra verdadera cara tras una mascara de diplomacia y pena.

-Y donde es que esta viviendo ahora? Esta en algun refugio o con otra gente? -pregunte esperanzada. 

-Ay hija! Si en la calle es que andamos, pidiendo para comer! Pero encontrar comida no es tan dificil! El problema es donde sentar cabeza en las noches! Al  principio nos quedamos en el corredor del mercado, ahi afuerita de donde vendimos un tempo. Despues en un mezon, pero nos cobraba muy caro. Y asi hemos andado, de lugar en lugar, y siempre nos van echando! Asi que ahora deje a la cipota ahi por la fabrica, pidiendo. Yo me vine a buscar abrigo. Pero viera cipota que no he encontrado mucho! Solo chirajitas llevo de lo que me han regalado las gentes de buen corazon! pero bueno, de algo van a servir... es que es un frio tremendo el que hace en la madrugada, y ya estoy vieja para esas andanzas.

No supe que decirle. Levante mi vista al cielo y rogue no sentir lastima por ella, poder hacer algo en vez de solo admirarla. Ya no podia seguir contemplando su rostro lleno de vivencias, de amargas heridas que no sanan ni con el paso del tiempo... ese tiempo que cruelmente ha marcado su rostro, su dignidad. Me senti dichosa, porque soy pobre, pero tengo todo y mas de lo que alguna vez pude haber pedido. Me senti indigna de tenerlo.. Me senti egoista, por no querer desprenderme de lo mio a pesar de saberla abandonada. Soy tan fragilmente humana! Y me digo propiamente cristiana! Pero soy parte del sistema que mantiene el equilibrio fuera del planeta. 

No llevaba cartera. Y aunque la llevase tenia poco que ofrecerle. Pero debia callar mi conciencia. Dirigi la mirada a Diana, susurrandole al oido me prestase un dolar. Ella lo estaba buscando antes que se lo pidiera.