Callas... en tu intento por cometer
el crimen que ocultara tu pecado
y tu silencio desnuda el pasado
y me abre las entranas como fuego.
Callas, y condenas esta anima
a penar por los rincoes del rencor
que le tuviste, que le guardas
que te hace olvidar que le llamaste amor.
Callas, me devuelves al infierno
mas si el fuego me consume
si el invierno me conserva
sere pura y vida nueva sin tu celo.
Callas... sigue entonces en tu silencio
que si me traguase el cielo
si me engullese la sociedad
no tengas nada que decir ni que hablar.
Calla, sigueme ignorando
pero paga el precio de lo que estas ganando.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
A Angel: Te extrano
Pasa el tiempo, acumulando recuerdos
pasa y deja en el alma desafios
remembranzas de lo que no puede quedar en el olvido
que se dice pasado, pero vive en el presente.
Pasa el tiempo y sigo aqui, de pie, luchando
sigo siendo, sigo muriendo, sigo respirando
en continua calma, en serenidad ajena, asfixiante
en continuo silencio, huracan que enardece mi carne.
Pasa el tiempo y no consigo olvidarte
por mas que pasa tu te mantienes vigilante
velando mis pasos, cubriendo mi ingenuidad
cuidando mi alma, dandome inseguridad
y confianza.
Soy cuando vos sos conmigo
soy lo que vos quisiste que yo fuera
soy lo que te dejo mas no dejas
y lo que mas persigues aunque asi no lo quieras.
Me traspasas con tu sola mirada
que aunque yo no vea, la siento, me quema
me traspasa y llegas al fondo de la escencia
a lo que siempre llame tuyo
a lo que te pertenece
porque solo vos lo conoces.
Por tenerte tan cerca mio sin que tu lo sepas
te extrano mas que nunca aunque tu no lo creas.
pasa y deja en el alma desafios
remembranzas de lo que no puede quedar en el olvido
que se dice pasado, pero vive en el presente.
Pasa el tiempo y sigo aqui, de pie, luchando
sigo siendo, sigo muriendo, sigo respirando
en continua calma, en serenidad ajena, asfixiante
en continuo silencio, huracan que enardece mi carne.
Pasa el tiempo y no consigo olvidarte
por mas que pasa tu te mantienes vigilante
velando mis pasos, cubriendo mi ingenuidad
cuidando mi alma, dandome inseguridad
y confianza.
Soy cuando vos sos conmigo
soy lo que vos quisiste que yo fuera
soy lo que te dejo mas no dejas
y lo que mas persigues aunque asi no lo quieras.
Me traspasas con tu sola mirada
que aunque yo no vea, la siento, me quema
me traspasa y llegas al fondo de la escencia
a lo que siempre llame tuyo
a lo que te pertenece
porque solo vos lo conoces.
Por tenerte tan cerca mio sin que tu lo sepas
te extrano mas que nunca aunque tu no lo creas.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Dating Halo, "Adictively Ideal"
It was not until I heard Jose’s story about last night’s virtual adventure that I realized what was actually going on with Josh.
Since three weeks ago I noticed my boyfriend Josh’s mood, getting lower and lower every day. He was noticeably tired, sleepy and sometimes he did not eat -almost never-. He told me twice he had not made it to his first class –at 9:00 am- and I knew some other times he did not go too, but he did not tell me. Obviously I thought something was wrong, even when he swore there was no reason for me to think so. I knew that we were only days away from tests week. I also knew he was not doing so well on his mid-term grades. Then I deduced he was really worried about it; he must be. Maybe he had been studying so hard that he did not want to tell me, so I could not feel responsible for the time he spent with me rather than preparing for his evaluations. It sounds logical, and romantic, does it not? Maybe, but in the end I never asked.
Tests week passed, and after seeing Josh so worried just a few hours before each test, I did not support my first “sweet and romantic” theory anymore. At the end, nobody is that romantic. He is simply not. So maybe it was my fault. Our class schedules do not coincide in anytime, and the only class we both are taking we do it in different sections. Therefore, the only time available for us to share is in the evening for dinner time at the cafeteria on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and at night after doing our homework for the rest of the week. Sometimes we do our homework together –and by together, you should understand “seated next to the other” because that is what we really do- to at least see each other. Then close by curfew, he gets me to my dorm, he goes to his dorm, and when he gets there he calls me. That is for sure, it is our routine; we almost never fail on that. Yes, it should be my fault; because sometimes, especially when we do not spend real time together, the night calls extend until 3:00 a.m., seriously.
After thinking about it, I decided to talk to him, to know what was going on, and I did. He told me that I should not feel guilty at all. Apparently, he was just tired, missing home, having a hard time reading for some subjects, etc. I did partially believe him, but I was not quite sure after noticing some of the results of his tests. I mean, he is not a bad student but he can do better. Everybody knows that! He is a Walton scholar!
Consequently, when I heard Jose talking very exited about a videogame “Halo” and between the lines I caught Josh’s nickname-“Warrior”-, I felt everything started to make sense. No, it was not studying time. No, it was not the time he spent with me. It was not even the midnight calls. “Halo” was the problem. He was actually playing Halo during and after our calls. Sometimes until 4:00 to 5:00 am!
Why would he and other 10 Harding-Latin students spend their night hours –supposedly to sleep- on a videogame? I had to find out what was so “special” about this game. The way you can really tell something about anything is to experiment it. So, I needed to play Halo, in order to give an accurate opinion about it and why do the guys find it so good. I did. Well, I tried. Guess how I ended? I ended totally confused, dizzy, with a really bad sensation of emptiness, stomached and like a complete fool. I did not perform well at all in the game, they killed me after 3 minutes!-and that because I poorly moved on the screen. It is terrible! You have guns, and the more aliens or people you kill the better your score is. What makes it even worse, it is made in 3D, so if you are not familiar with that kind of “virtual worlds” you will end just like me: feeling nauseated, dizzy and without any possible thought of food.
Now I really did not understand it at all. Actually, I was starting to get mad at Josh about it. I really did not want to argue with him, because it really seemed he really enjoyed the game and find it good. So I started thinking about why did he really like playing them with such a passion. If the game is not really good, maybe it should not be about the game. Perhaps it is what he found in that game, or what he could find in any other. What videogames offer, in general, is the statement of a virtual reality in which you can perform virtual personalities and abilities, is not it? Virtual reality, of course, is not true, but ideal. So, I deduce that what the guys, including Josh, look for in Halo is the possibility of an ideal world, where they can perform as a person they are not and with the abilities they could never have in reality.
Why do we, as humans, need ideals? Why does Josh find it in a videogame? Actually, we always try to find a shelter, somewhere to hide from the aspects of our reality that hurt us or that we do not like and want to avoid. A virtual world is a good example. So maybe Josh hid from his academic development problem, the fact of missing his family, the impossibility of helping his family on their problems in his country, and perhaps other things he just kept for himself as we all do. Now I really understood him.
Perhaps it was not the best way I found out all of these. But it worked, and I know Josh would never give me such an appreciation because he is not really aware of his situation. So I talked to him again, but this time I did with –what I guess is- a total understanding. I did not state any solution for his adiction to Halo, but I suggested better ways to organize his time –this, of course, after arguing about not saying a word about the Halo stuff. At the end of the day I love him, but I am deffinitely not dating with Halo anymore!
Since three weeks ago I noticed my boyfriend Josh’s mood, getting lower and lower every day. He was noticeably tired, sleepy and sometimes he did not eat -almost never-. He told me twice he had not made it to his first class –at 9:00 am- and I knew some other times he did not go too, but he did not tell me. Obviously I thought something was wrong, even when he swore there was no reason for me to think so. I knew that we were only days away from tests week. I also knew he was not doing so well on his mid-term grades. Then I deduced he was really worried about it; he must be. Maybe he had been studying so hard that he did not want to tell me, so I could not feel responsible for the time he spent with me rather than preparing for his evaluations. It sounds logical, and romantic, does it not? Maybe, but in the end I never asked.
Tests week passed, and after seeing Josh so worried just a few hours before each test, I did not support my first “sweet and romantic” theory anymore. At the end, nobody is that romantic. He is simply not. So maybe it was my fault. Our class schedules do not coincide in anytime, and the only class we both are taking we do it in different sections. Therefore, the only time available for us to share is in the evening for dinner time at the cafeteria on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and at night after doing our homework for the rest of the week. Sometimes we do our homework together –and by together, you should understand “seated next to the other” because that is what we really do- to at least see each other. Then close by curfew, he gets me to my dorm, he goes to his dorm, and when he gets there he calls me. That is for sure, it is our routine; we almost never fail on that. Yes, it should be my fault; because sometimes, especially when we do not spend real time together, the night calls extend until 3:00 a.m., seriously.
After thinking about it, I decided to talk to him, to know what was going on, and I did. He told me that I should not feel guilty at all. Apparently, he was just tired, missing home, having a hard time reading for some subjects, etc. I did partially believe him, but I was not quite sure after noticing some of the results of his tests. I mean, he is not a bad student but he can do better. Everybody knows that! He is a Walton scholar!
Consequently, when I heard Jose talking very exited about a videogame “Halo” and between the lines I caught Josh’s nickname-“Warrior”-, I felt everything started to make sense. No, it was not studying time. No, it was not the time he spent with me. It was not even the midnight calls. “Halo” was the problem. He was actually playing Halo during and after our calls. Sometimes until 4:00 to 5:00 am!
Why would he and other 10 Harding-Latin students spend their night hours –supposedly to sleep- on a videogame? I had to find out what was so “special” about this game. The way you can really tell something about anything is to experiment it. So, I needed to play Halo, in order to give an accurate opinion about it and why do the guys find it so good. I did. Well, I tried. Guess how I ended? I ended totally confused, dizzy, with a really bad sensation of emptiness, stomached and like a complete fool. I did not perform well at all in the game, they killed me after 3 minutes!-and that because I poorly moved on the screen. It is terrible! You have guns, and the more aliens or people you kill the better your score is. What makes it even worse, it is made in 3D, so if you are not familiar with that kind of “virtual worlds” you will end just like me: feeling nauseated, dizzy and without any possible thought of food.
Now I really did not understand it at all. Actually, I was starting to get mad at Josh about it. I really did not want to argue with him, because it really seemed he really enjoyed the game and find it good. So I started thinking about why did he really like playing them with such a passion. If the game is not really good, maybe it should not be about the game. Perhaps it is what he found in that game, or what he could find in any other. What videogames offer, in general, is the statement of a virtual reality in which you can perform virtual personalities and abilities, is not it? Virtual reality, of course, is not true, but ideal. So, I deduce that what the guys, including Josh, look for in Halo is the possibility of an ideal world, where they can perform as a person they are not and with the abilities they could never have in reality.
Why do we, as humans, need ideals? Why does Josh find it in a videogame? Actually, we always try to find a shelter, somewhere to hide from the aspects of our reality that hurt us or that we do not like and want to avoid. A virtual world is a good example. So maybe Josh hid from his academic development problem, the fact of missing his family, the impossibility of helping his family on their problems in his country, and perhaps other things he just kept for himself as we all do. Now I really understood him.
Perhaps it was not the best way I found out all of these. But it worked, and I know Josh would never give me such an appreciation because he is not really aware of his situation. So I talked to him again, but this time I did with –what I guess is- a total understanding. I did not state any solution for his adiction to Halo, but I suggested better ways to organize his time –this, of course, after arguing about not saying a word about the Halo stuff. At the end of the day I love him, but I am deffinitely not dating with Halo anymore!
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