2008 The Recap...

Another year past, another time started -they say. It seems to me the days are getting nothing but change no matter what the date is. But somehow society has put us through this whole thing of keeping records and time. We watch carefully as hours fly by... but we only set new goals every 365 days, or every now and then... it all depends. Goals that most of the times -at least in my case- are forgotten or not gotten thought due to many different occurrences of life... the excuses could get neverending. The mysterious ways of God always working.
Anyways, whatever it is that brought me to write about it, must be worth it.
Last New year´s -2008 that is- I was mentally wasted after hours of american football in T.V., and rarely eating anything different than chips and coke at my host-parents´place. I missed home so bad... and my only relief was a cup of pink champagne graciously provided at midnight by my host-mom -who knows very well our traditions back home. I was miserable. It was so that I totally forgot to make any purpose for the new year´s. Less than 2 weeks later i found out my current boyfriend lost his scholarship and had to fly back home immediately-and he was supposed to know before but, oh crazy world!, somehow the e-mail notifying him about the bad news never got to his inbox... in his version it is still a mystery -please don´t ask my opinion. I tried to be his support and all that stuff silly people -like me- do when they think they love someone. I never believed in long distance relationships, but I gave it a try. Oh sad day I decided not to break up in that farewell! It took me 3 more months to realize how wrong I was... 3 months of crying and wondering why, of being insulted and not loved back. 3 months of sacrifices never thanked. Just getting the usual. People used to ask me all the time about the only topic I really didn´t want to talk about: him. Somehow I got him over very quickly - his attitude and pride made it way easier than I expected. I wasn´t in love anyways, and I got the feeling that I should have never started that relationship, I don´t fully understand why.
A few months later I found out I got a crushfor the second time in my life. Yes, getting a new guy shortly after a break-up, that is so typically me. I thought I knew so bad my best friend loved me back. He made me believe so. haha! Crazy fate is always laughing at my desperate nature of giving not only love, but my whole heart so unconsciously! My beloved one decided to not let anyone know about us, to keep it a secret. That should have been enough proof for me of how little he respected me. But I agreed, and we split to go back home during the summer.
I can´t express with words how lucky and Blessed I felt when I finally got home! Getting there was an adventure! I bought my airplane tickets from Houston to El Salvador- oh cruel poverty! I hadn´t quite figured out how in the world I was getting to Houston till 2 weeks before the semester ended. Valerie, a friend of mine - too good to be true- took me over with her family at Shreveport, Louisiana. They are just awesome! Vale was to take me to Dallas where a salvadorian guy -friend of mine- was going to pick me up to take me to Houston. He totally disappear of the map, he wasn´t answering his cellphone and my mind got on chaos. Stuck in Dallas! Great! What in the world could I do by myself there, with no money and a flight to catch in 2 days??? I prayed probably as I never had before. Vale´s mom helped me to get a Greyhound ticket from Dallas to Houston... and Vale took me finally to Dallas to meet her cousin Vanessa -who is a friend of mine as well. Bless their hearts! they were all that I needed! I have to admit traveling in Greyhound was quite an adventure... drug dealing and nasty proposals were "hot and ready" for me. I got to Houston and met this guy from the militia... I cannot remember his name -he was hitting on me... but what´s the news? haha. He had just come back from Irak and was heading home, I don´t remember where. He wandered with me around Downtown Houston, invited me to breakfast -at McDonald´s of course-, helped me figure out a shuttle to the airport and carried my baggage all along! Very sweet guy... kind of twisted, but sweet. I got to the airport just in time to catch my flight. Oh glorious moment I got in the plane! Oh pondering thoughts running throught my am!!!! I will never forget the time I finally saw my family at El Salvador´s Airport! I am so so so Blessed!
Although I was full of activities to do, friends to visit and hang out with, family to recieve at home, parties to go to, service projects to help at, and lots of studying to do; I spent my summer missing him. I didn´t know, of course. The only thing I got back in return was the verses of my soul and the prove of the clean and inocent transparency of my being. He dumped me. Surprise, surprise! I got back to school with a bag filled with questions... I wish I had found the answer before -if only I was smarter to see. More blind to believe so fooly, impossible! Not even in your best friends is possible to entirely trust! They all are men before they are friends or lovers. Then I learned you never get to know people till they fail you. I failed myself I guess, for I fooled myself justifying him all the time; but I´m not sure yet. I´m not really into giving it too much thinking, anyways. Everything happens for a reason, and I think I got the lesson this time. I hope! I´m so tired of getting hurt! I mean, Seriously!
The only friend I fully trusted and was there watching after me that whole time was my only latin partner in every single of my classes. I loved her so bad for understanding me and got to consider her one of my best friends too. Fall '08 was the worst academic challenge ever put in front of me. It was so, so hard for me to get along with all the stuff I had to learn and do! Gosh! No social life. I could hardly remember what sleeping was. It was just horrible! Plus, family matters are always worrying me... It was a tough time to my family in many aspects- it actually still is. I got to the point of thinking I really wasn´t going to make it through with a decent GPA at the end of the semester. But I got the encouragement and support of my good friends uncountable times! and that was just comforting and empowering! Bless their hearts! I´m so blessed, surrounded by angels all the time! I spent thanksgiving with Alle, a beautiful girl with a golden pure heart, and her beautiful family. I love her so so much. We were 4 in the trip! Davy and Dani went down with us! It was just awesome! I almost got killed by a very stressed driver -I´m not mentioning her name though, the might come back after me if I do. It was quite an adventure. When I came back to school I thought nothing in the semester could get any worse, so I had a very possitive attitude about getting it done. My partner in all my classes wanted to talk to me. She was dating a guy, but not any guy : the one I still had a crush with, my ex-best friend. Great. I had never felt more isolated and lonely in my life. So betrayed, so emotionally wasted. It happens. Issue overcome, lesson learnt.
I had to figure my way out of that crazy semester by myself -at least academically speaking. I made it! I kept my GPA as high as it was! all by myself! and so I learnt I need nobody´s support on any subject to get the grades I want. I can do it alone, I just need to push a little bit harder. And I´m so proud of myself! I´m still delaing with that little thin line betwwen diplomacy and hypocresy... I keep on praying for wisdom to manage that.
Before traveling back home for the holidays, I spent some days with the Steiner's, my roommate´s family. Oh heaven, Could I ever be more blessed than that?! They are so awesome! I love them so much!!! They are just too good to me I feel I´ll never catch up no matter how hard I try! I had a blast with my roommate Savannah and her boyfriend (Brian)! She´s not only the best roommie, but the best fake-older-sister ever! I felt like part of the family, even so that I really wanted to spend christmas with them. Tears came down my face when saying goodbye to Savy at the airport, no kidding.
I got home on Christmas Eve. Oh yes, that was an adventure too!!! They almost send my baggage to Delaware! lol! That kind of things only happens to me! Anyways, my flight was delayed and I made my family wait more that we all expected. I was just getting out of the car at my aunt´s - where christmas celebration usually takes place- just at midnight! A welcoming party was waiting for me there. I got home like at 3 in the morning for I was to tired to party -and my family is never up to it anyways. The next couple of days were only about planning, scheduling, trying on things, organizing, calling people and decorating... all for my sister´s sweet fifteen party. It was a success! everybody loved it! It was a masquerade! I consecrated myself as a party organizer and host! We are so so blessed! Even when my feet still hurt after walking on classy high hills for 6 hours non-stopping.
Then I found this New Year´s eve -at my aunt´s house again- looking back to all of these events. Most of the times I always look at my glass, and contemplate with missery it is half empty. But I was able to cool my mind, to clearly think after all of this crazyness. I discovered my 2008 was full of challenges, but also success; full of wondering, but also of aswers -even when I really didn´t want to see them right in front of me-; full of learning academically, and also for life; full of angels and miracles. Overall I realized how blessed I am. I realized I got true friends, for life, and really didn´t have to choose them! I´m so gratefull God chose them for me! It would turn impossible to me to try to deny God´s presence in my everyday. Without my faith in him I just could not have survived this insane, always-running year.
Hours fly by our face and we just do not give a thought to it. We sometimes, in our busy days, forget who the time actually belongs to. We forget -and I personally do- to take a chance and, for a minute, walk slowly. Just walk, with no need to rush, no need to think. Walk just with an open heart to see the many miracles constaltly happening: your only breathing, moving, existing, subsinting, enduring, changing, growing, looking forward, and keep on -or decide to start-walking forward. Each and every single thing and the fact it exists and/or happens is a miracle. Even the ability of humans to keep time -and still survive to their own masoquism- is -in my personal opinion- to be considered a miracle. I don´t know what exactly brought me to write about this, I don´t know neither why I feel God is in it, in my will to write about it. One thing I can assure: it was deffinitely worth it.